How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there was a trapeze. enough said
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize