Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
