So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
