haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
