Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize