At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
