Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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