He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
