i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
