i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize