he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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