You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
