Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
