i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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