Yo dont text me then not text me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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