we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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