My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
