Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
