it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
