my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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