we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
