Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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