the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
