i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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