some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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