What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
