ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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