Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
