dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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