you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
