Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
