So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
