How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
