Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
