We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
