I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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