My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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