Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
