I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
