I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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