Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
