I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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