somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
