Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
