I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is wine microwaveable?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
