We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
