i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
