Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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