Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
