Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
