I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
