R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
