he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
