wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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