Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
