Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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