some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
