You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize