i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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