my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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