ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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