I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
