don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
