dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
