I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
