I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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