i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
