New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
