I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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