do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize