I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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