my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
