Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize